Commitment.
Commitment is another word that similar to many of its counterparts in the English language, I feel it’s lost all meaning. Or maybe that’s just a side effect of this prolonged pandemic– everything is slowly losing meaning. But, in the spirit of keeping things positive, I keep trying to find the silver lining in all I do. In doing so, I stumbled across the blueprints for this piece.
Commitment is to be committed. Although presented as a noun, it isn’t. Like love, it’s a verb, a doing word. You choose to commit. You choose to honour the commitment day in and day out. The day you choose differently, is the day you stop committing.
This applies to every and any situation– Art, health, fitness, project progression and of course relationships too.
I’ve broken down my understanding of commitment into three parts. The first is overcoming resistance, the second is mastery. The third is potentially the most complex– it relates to your own growth.
Part 1: Overcoming Resistance
Book recommendation: The War of Art by Steven Pressfield
Obstacles are a given in this life. The shape and form they can take are pretty much limitless which, come to think of it, makes you think how in the world does anyone do anything then? It’s simple. Easier said than done, but still simple. You choose to overcome Resistance, no matter what nature it decides to show up as that day.
One day it may show as a tired morning (my Resistance loves this form). Other days it’s a shitty parent (again, my Resistance adores this). There are days when it throws everything at you at once. And then, in true Resistance nature, will repeat that day. Resistance is always trying to find a way to beat you. Once it finds its most effective method, it will hone in so wickedly and finish you off before you even know it. You cannot let it get to that stage.
The solution is to identify Resistance. It shape-shifts so this isn’t easy, but once you identify it, you can then train your mind. You are now a warrior going to war against this thing. You find a way to battle it. You ramp up your defences and go on the offence. To be committed to something, means to overcome Resistance every time it rears its ugly (and I mean properly ugly) head.
What does this look like in 21st century terms?
If you are committed to your Art, then you find ways to create even when you don’t feel like it. Find sources of inspiration, find places where you can work, adapt and pivot as you need to. Commitment is training yourself to produce in crappy conditions. It may not be your best work, but keep it to a decent standard. Some training is better than no training at all.
In relationships, it’s the same. You have to choose to be better every day. You choose to forgive every day. You choose to listen, to love, to be patient. You choose to commit, fully aware that human beings are works in progress– we live and learn till the day we die. Which brings me to the second part of commitment.
Part 2: Mastery
Book recommendation: Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday (pgs 104-106)
Commitment is to be committed to mastery. You will forever be a student of this thing. It’s so easy to get comfortable and stop innovating, stop learning. When we think we have reached the ultimate level, we stop being committed. It’s like a video game. Once you have beaten everything, you’re no longer committed. Thankfully, very few things in life, if anything, are like video games. Commit to learning. Commit to mastery. If you cannot push yourself to do this, then you’ve committed to the wrong thing.
And yes, the same applies to people too. The minute you stop committing to learning someone and who they are, then you’ve lost them. Stay committed.
Part 3: Your own Personal Growth
YouTube recommendation: Dr Brené Brown, The Anatomy of Trust
This one took me a while to understand what it even meant. How does commitment directly reflect on your own growth?
Well, it makes you a better person by forcing you to take accountability. When you commit and follow through, the only person you can blame is yourself. You chose to commit.
If you suddenly find yourself making excuses, then that’s on you. You need to make better choices next time. I made it a habit to follow through with all the things I committed to. If I found myself hating myself for it, then I would make a mental note to think things through before opening my mouth to commit to anything again.
I think it teaches character. It forces time management. I was guilty of flaking on my friends. That’s not fair on them at all so, I stopped doing it. If I had a deadline, or I was tired, that’s still no reason to flake on anyone. That is my own time management that I need to address. If I can’t regulate my life and schedule, then I have no business promising things to people. Overcommitting and underdelivering makes you unreliable. Trust needs reliability. It’s built in the smallest moments, what some have described as “sliding door” moments. Maybe it’s just me, but nothing is more important to me than trust, so yes, I commit.
I then take everything that comes with that. Whether it’s sleep deprivation, or I’ve bit into me time– that’s on me. Commitments come first because I made them. Again: if I can’t handle them, then I’ve got no business making them.
In conclusion:
Wow this is almost sounding like an essay, I promise it’s not. Commitment is at the heart of everything we do in life. Nothing is achieved without it, but first and foremost, I’d encourage you all to commit to being better people. Everything else sort of naturally builds from there, at least that’s what I’ve found.
One thing that did pop up was what about long term relationships? What if you married the wrong person?Then buddy by all means, divorce them. You commit to things that make you better. That’s the goal.
As a sidenote, I’ve also found in my life that, by committing to the wrong things and seeing them through, I’ve developed a tendency to commit to better things. That’s not to say they’re perfect, or even right. But they’re better. I learn from them, that’s what makes them so much better. If I’m not learning, then it’s wrong.
I hope this has somewhat incentivised you to think about commitment differently, and give it the grace and mindfulness it deserves.
Here's to growing together. All the best,
Your friendly neighbourhood,
S.
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