[This is from the archives - 06/06/2020]
June 6th, 2020
I’ve spent 2 months on this piece. It’s not an advice piece because quite frankly, I’m not qualified lol. But it is a collection of experiences. I wanted it to be free from any shreds of pride or shame, any anger or blame, any part of a bruised ego. I’ve reworked it countless times till I felt comfortable that there was no fronting. 24 was a year of many repeat scenarios and making new mistakes every time. If you’ve watched the Good Place, I felt like Michael trying to get the neighbourhood right with 800 reboots and then still messing up haha. Whatever set of challenges 25 brings, I just pray they’re less emotionally taxing.
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98% of the times I thought I lacked discipline, I more accurately lacked interest or necessity.
For all the times I wasn’t humble, I’ve been humbled. Without fail.
Escapism is not the answer. It will catch up to you every time.
Fronting will cost you in one way or another.
Self fulfilment hasn’t erased the pain of heartbreak. Moving forward and moving on are two different lanes. You only have control of the former. Accepting that was hard. I tried escaping it at first. I tried ignoring it. I tried convincing myself. Eventually I accepted it.
People will have their own narrative of you based on their own collection of experiences. You can’t change this narrative, only they can. Yeah it seems unfair at times, especially if you only operated with the best intentions. Maybe one day they’ll change their narrative. Maybe they won’t, I don’t know. But yes, I too have people from my past who I do want to reconnect with.
Life can feel lonely to degrees that you couldn’t ever have imagined.
Bad energy, stagnant energy, settling energy, lack of accountability energy are all more contagious than good energy. Don’t try
fight it or change it, be aware of it and act accordingly.
Be complacent only if you’re aware that any work you don’t put in now is work you’ll have to put in later, and are okay with that.
The Lion King (best Disney movie, best soundtrack don’t fight me), is right. Start to finish it’s all correct.
Start asking the right people the right questions.
You can do everything, just not all at once. Slow down but keep an idea bank.
No one else is on your timeline. It’s not a great feeling. Sometimes you gotta get stuff done yourself or find new people to do it with.
All relationships are hard. Family, friends, work and even the one you have with yourself. You’ll feel like the villain at some point. Don’t take it personally. There are times where you’re sure they’re being Satan incarnate too.
You will regret ways you have acted/things you’ve said in the past. Understand your motivations at the time and also why you now regret them. Then when you’re faced with a similar situation, you can do better. You might later realise you could’ve done even better again but it’s a learning curve. You will get it wrong (a hell of a lot) before you strike a balance.
You won’t be great at anything if you aren’t prepared to be a beginner.
Time is the thing I always end up wishing I had more of.
Down time is amazing. When you feel like your brain isn’t cooperating - a break and some quiet time is the one.
Being a morning person is still hard. But the benefits are next level. Also, a good start to the day (breakfast is a must) might not mean it stays that way, but at least it starts well and you can decide that everyday.
Mute, block, delete numbers, real life stop seeing anyone who isn’t making you better.
Feelings change. It’s surreal. I don’t even want to fry my brain trying to make sense of all the hows and whys. They just do.
But certain feelings you come back home to no matter how far you’ve drifted. This has been me with music for over 10 years now so at this point, I’m pretty sure it’s meant to be a part of my life. There’s only one other feeling I’ve come across that feels like music does. I guess I’ll only know if she comes home too.
Curating what you consume is a game changer.
Don’t be shocked if you thought you had something figured out, for then one new experience to make you realise that you had it all wrong.
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Reading this back made me realise not much has changed. I’ve added new things to my “25” journal... lots of new things. I was scared to read this back and think wow 24 year old me was stupid haha, it May genuinely still happen but for now, I think she’s pretty sensible. It’s all learning and I think that’s the main thing.
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